There is probably a bomb going off
Somewhere, right now. The news will report it,
Or pretend to report it, or will (cough)
Retweet it. I'll click "share" when I see it
On Facebook, because that's convenient.
I shave in the shower, which is also
Convenient. Those razor blades were sent
All the way from China, yeah? I don't know,
But they're the generic brand. Our water
Maybe comes from Roswell, or the Rio
Grande. Mexico gets some too - it's hotter
There, but there's a water treaty, you know,
To keep things fair. The web said fifty or
Sixty dead, which seems like less than before.
7 comments:
Was pondering sonnets while in the shower, and had some lines stumble into my head. I wasn't sure whether to go with this, since the meter is entirely absent, making this a bit of a cheater sonnet, if it's even a sonnet at all. But here it is, Wednesday's sonnet today. Still five behind.
Indeed, and the shower proves at times to be an excellent (though I admit odd) place for composition, guess we have too much free time there or what?
That must be why the first line threw me off.
I am inclined to keep "probably" and just combine "There is" to make it work, which necessitates another syllable further on....in fact, you know my elisions, but I would end L1 with "somewhere" of L2 and make "probably" two syllables to do it all. Then L2 would need work, and so on. In fact let's see how this would run...ready?
There's prob'ly a bomb going off somewhere
Right now. The news will report or pretend
T'report it. Or will (cough) retweet it. End?
I'll click share when I see it over there
On facebook.....and I'll quit rewriting your Southey sonnet into a Petrarchan before your publisher comes after me, hahaha!
It is a fine Southey sonnet methinks, a diatribe of sorts on the screwed up world we live in, pulling the reader up short or rather back to the beginning in the conclusion. Not the greatest sonnet to be honest, but quite acceptable nonetheless, I verily believe.
Interesting change of topic and discussion. Thought-provoking.
Wonderful! Aye, there's a mess of work to do be done with this one. It was my intention to avoid my familiar toolbox when writing this, to get closer to modern, and to write something (more than my daydreams) that was on my mind. I can't shake the feeling that there's something valid inside it, and wonder if I could forge it into a real sonnet with a stronger core.
Ya, you probably could, with a deal of care. It alludes to the present reality with an attitude of disgust. I cannot begin to think how you intend to take it to pieces and make it stronger. Working it into iambic pentametre is not so difficult, and adding a stronger message will take a bit more thinking, for it verges on that already. Go ahead. It's not too uncommon for sonneteers to edit and re-edit, that I can see from the study notes in that anthology I read, but it doesn't always mend the original sufficiently. I edited "Romance 'Round the Willow" nigh on at least 7 times and it did improve. Go for it! I look forward to seeing what you come up with!
i immensly enjoyed reading this. though i must admit i wasnt ready for it to end, i wanted it to keep going.
Howdy, Anonymous. I am glad you liked it - I have grown less certain of it over time. The ending is abrupt, and was sort of meant to be, but perhaps that was a poor choice, given that my sonneting tends to rush too fast to the final couplet. Combined, that may have made this ending too sudden. Thanks for reading!
Yeah, reading this again, I kinda hate it. This was a bad experiment.
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