Perspective sings! Above an empty dome,
The cybernetic singer lends his voice
And joins perspective's chorus. Freed, they roam
The neural-lyric passageways, rejoice
To android rock, and weep for MMI-
Augmented arias. The singer hums
Along; he doesn't know the words, or why
The music works, or grok the robot drums
Or calculus guitars; to him, it's song
For music's sake. At last, he hears the drive
Behind the rhythm - notes reverb too long,
Or words are mispronounced - and comes alive.
He rings a neon herald like a chime.
The letters that still work pulse out of time.
3 comments:
La, now the music manifests its true colours and it is almost related to cacophony, everything is off and nothing makes sense. Humming is the best route in the confusion.
What a marvel of a new creation! Mankind's best efforts stink.
Still as his details spin out the tale of his reality, it is a marvel of a study with a deeper message nagging and probing places we'd rather not go or reality we hate to acknowledge.
Wow. Awesome. The consonance and assonance, the "work" and then "grok" delight. Excellent images and imagery. La, what a beauty.
Here, the reckless cacophony you note is liberating for QED, who hears anew with reformed ears music that is sung, not built. He just doesn't yet know why he likes it. It may be that the preceding sonnets paint the canvas too darkly, so even "freed," QED's rapture seems ill-conceived.
Here, I feel like the hyphen-offset thought was done poorly, and thought (and still think) about editing it to change the first to a semicolon, the second to a period, and the and afterwards to a he, with fixes in L13 to accommodate. Well, we'll see.
Hmm. If I am understanding, then yes, definitely alter the first dash to a semicolon, the second to a period. After that there need not be major alteration, or so it initially seems. Why wouldn't you simply alter "..and comes alive" to "...he comes alive,/And rings: a neon herald...."? Or doesn't that work?
Just a thought.
Do you mean "Or.." in L9 or "On.."?
I dunno. "freed" works well enough for his liberation from programmed to true music, though it seems short of true.
Anyway.
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